Am I Ready to Date?

Haha. I can’t believe I am actually writing part of this post DURING my SPM ‘season’. But this issue kinda bothers me and I feel like I just need to get it out my mind, for now. Well I know this topic has been a hot topic ever since the word ‘dating’ existed. I know that I am one that has no place to talk about this issue compared to so many wiser people out there, but just thought that maybe sharing my thoughts may help one or two to look into this issue in a more deeper manner than they are now.

I have to start talking about this from the age factor. How many times people have attempted to set an age for dating, but from my view, it never works, cause to me, there is no age limit for dating. However, I definitely believe there are criteria that you have to reach before you think you can date. To me, your purpose in life plays a big role. First you need to have a proper and clear purpose in life that you know before you can accept someone else into your life. Your purpose of life have to be worth living for, worth fighting for, worth dying for. And if your purpose in life is just to look for a spouse then you are definitely not ready to be in a relationship.

Secondly, are you capable of supporting your own life spiritually, financially, mentally and manage your life in the most basic manner? – able to carry out daily routine without taking short cuts(I can’t think of any other ways to explain it). I believe that your relationship with God must first be set right and stable and that you are able to sustain it in a daily basis of devotions, prayers, praising and worshiping Him in your personal walk and studying The Word and always trying to grow deeper in your relationship with Him. Financially capable to support yourself, mentally capable, organized, have a purpose other than just seeking for a spouse, and mature(would depend on your maturity to determine your own maturity).

Third is, you must be able to live without a women or man. You cannot be desperate and dependable to someone else, except God, I believe. The moment you feel dependable to someone, it’s a sign that you are not ready to for a relationship. And that will fall back to the first criteria about your purpose in life and how much you stand firm to it. If you are firm in your purpose in life and fixed your eyes and mind on the reward that lies ahead, you will not be swayed away. A good example would be me. I used to be afraid to be single, or I’d prefer to call it alone. There was one part of my life that I was constantly seeking for a partner to feel secure of myself, not to feel lonely, and that is a obvious sign of immaturity in starting a relationship.

One thing that I have been thinking, and it has been driving me crazy since is the very reason WHY do I pursue a girl? Is it for my own selfish desire? That is the answer I am still searching for even till now. Why do I message her? Is it to make myself feel good and fill the void in me? Why do I talk to her? To pursue my OWN feeling so I may feel good? Feel pleasured? Why do I hold her hands? So I may feel loved? So my human desires are fulfilled? It sounds silly when I say it’s selfish, but wait till you try to look at how do you actually affect the other party. Whatever you do or say, have you ever wondered how will it affect the other party? Well you may be able to control your own emotions and feelings, thinking that there is nothing happening and you may have felt good after those conversations, but what happens to her/him? Leaving the feelings to grow deeper for the other party is not a very responsible act I would say. He/she will be left ‘stranded’ after all the talks and sms-es you had and wondering where would this lead to? Or what to do next? . All you care is that you have felt good, you have filled that void for now and you don’t care about the consequences. To me that is just selfish.

So then, how do you handle this situation? Before I say anything, I just want to remind you that these are merely my thoughts and it may not necessary be right. This is based on my own level of maturity and thinking. I think that your motives of doing anything to pursue a relationship is to seek more for the other party’s benefit. By saying this you have to eliminate so many actions that I mention above. I know this sounds pretty impossible to live up to, and I do not know if I could even come close to these criteria, but I think this should be the standard we set.

I don't think it is easy to, but it's definitely worth it. I believe that the higher standard that you set for yourself personally in your own life by the way you keep yourself blameless in God’s sight, by the values you live by, the stands you make, God will also reveal to you the person that is to that level of yours. I do not mean standard here as in you set yourself to ‘get’ a handsome or pretty girl then you will get a pretty girl or anything, but its the second criteria that I mentioned above.

Love is patient,
Love is kind.
It does not boast,
It is not proud.
It is not rude,
it is not self seeking,
it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrong.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects,
always trust,
always hopes,
always perseveres.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7

The next post or a few post later I may wanna write about how is it to determine which is the one for you and how to know that that man or lady is the one that God has set for you and that is the right one.

I do hope that we youths these days would set higher standards for ourselves in our lives and not just think just because we are youths we can do whatever we want cause these are the years that we can do so, but to know that whatever you do now, you are setting the consequences ahead of you. Whatever you do, think, say, set, live by and initiate is what that is gonna form you next time, so be wise to take every step. I have learned that emotions should always come second. If whatever we do are based on our emotions, disaster awaits you 

Wednesday, December 10, 2008