College..

It will be a lie if I say I do not enjoy college life. I think I am enjoying it to the fullest now. It's almost exactly how I imagined it to be. Not my studies but the friends that I am making are really nice people. I did not expect all this to happen so fast. I am pretty much on the fast lane already. Assignments, group work, presentation. All this things that I never thought someday I would say is becoming one my favourite words now. My mind was so occupied.

After waking up from my afternoon nap today. It just suddenly felt so hard to breathe, in the inside. Not physically. And it felt, so familiar. Last week there was a pretty bad haze. One night I decided to play basketball. After a few throws when adrenaline started pumping and I was breathing faster and harder, I felt like I couldn't breathe in enough air. It's like the air was too diluted for me to breath enough in. And that will make u breath in more and it gets harder with every try. Just like asthma, I think. If you know what I am talking about, then this was how I felt, just not physically. And I know just the reason why..

It's has been quite a while that I had always had lots of time for myself just thinking and doing things for myself and just having lots of quiet moments to ponder upon stuff. Suddenly, there's this whole chunk of activities and people just come my way. It's not a bad thing though, in fact, it is fun! It feels good. My mind is so occupied with friends and work. But this made me forget how it felt to be quiet. I nearly did not see it coming. Cause I was having a good time you know! I mean, when things are all going fine, will you just suddenly stop and think of the unhappy things? No! But you fail to remember that it was those unhappy times that brought you here. I nearly missed seeing that.

As I realized that, I felt so downcast. How I picture my walk with God is like climbing a really tall mountain. You just keep climbing and climbing. Though I have been climbing slow, I feel, but I have climbed for a while to be away from the bottom. And the moment I realized how things are changing in my heart, I felt like I was slipping off the edge. I just can't fall again, I am so tired. I felt like I have climbed this far and I am so tired, but I keep pressing. I can press on, but I can't afford to fall, not now. As I was browsing through the net, I came across this song that many of you know, "You Never Let Go" by David Crowder.

Wow, if only you knew how I sobbed in my heart that very moment knowing that the God of the Universe would step down into my life and tell me, 'I will never let'. There was also this picture in that music video that someone made showing a man, as if he was dying, hanging in the arms of Jesus. He never let go.

Now I truely understand why must Jesus be the center of our lives and not the first in our lives. In everything you do, yeah, Jesus can be the first. Whatever you do, you think about Him first, make decisions based on Jesus being first in your life. But the difference is, when Jesus is the center of your life. He is in it with you, not matter what. To the smallest thing that may be, like talking to a friend, He is in the middle of the conversation. He is the point, He is the reason for everything.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009